Warning: This is my Angry Face

It is kinda late and I just got home and am still miffed about something that happened tonight.
This is my rant (slightly in the form of a letter I want to write):

To Whom it may concern,

I attended your comedy night on Wednesday, December 19^th and would like to bring a few things to your attention.

I came with a group of 6 girls and sat in the front.  We expected some heckling, and can take a joke.  However, there are a few things that happened that crossed the line. 

The first, a comedian came on stage and spent his entire time berating my friend for texting.  Who was she texting?  A woman whom that same comedian had drugged and raped.  Why was my friend texting? to avoid looking in his face. 

He recognized her and I am guessing he suspected who she was texting.  He tried to grab her phone, physically touching her and screamed in her face.  He called her names that no woman should ever be called, said things to her that would get any normal person fired,  and spent the rest of his set screaming in her face.  His anger was real.  Hosting a venue in which it is ok for a registered sex offender to publicly harass someone is not ok.

The next comedian continued the “joke” by calling this same friend to the front and telling her to stay behind him “this is what you get for texting”.  He “joked” about gang raping her with seven of his friends.  He continued with the direct name calling and invitations until she walked off the stage.  Following the performance, he tried to give her a hug, said something like “I’m sorry, it was all in fun.”  He then said something along the lines of “but I was serious about the rape, and here are some of my friends…”  He used to word “rape” while physically touching her and after his set.  How is this not sexual harassment?  

One of the interesting things about this event is that I really don't think this would have been tolerated in another city.  Why is it ok here?

The last comedian tried to lighten everything up and did seek us (I had been called out as well, by another comedian for being Mormon, this was light-hearted, however.) out and apologize.  He was appalled.   At least we weren't the only ones...

Bathrobes and Breaking and Entering

Last night, I went to a Christmas Party.  Everything was decorated like an ancient Bethlehem market place.   Below, is an image of my father.  What a poser! ;)  I swear, he is most comfortable when wearing a vibrant costume (Fun fact: My dad had a Theater Scholarship.).  The Party was actually really awesome.  EVERYONE was dressed in "Ancient Jerusalem Garb" AKA bathrobes.  Plus, there was baklava!

 

 

So, as I'm leaving, I trade cars with my dad and offer to give my sister and her friend a ride home.  I find the car in the lot and we all get in.  There is a leather jacket on the front seat.  "That's weird, Did Andrew drive this car?".  Then I see some new earbuds "Ok, everyone needs to stop leaving their stuff in here".  I then go to put the key in the ignition.  The dashboard has suddenly been upgraded... "Wait a minute..."
"Ok, girls.  Get out of the car.  Get out of the car..."
We were totally in the wrong car!

Yep that happened.

The Wal-Mart Greeter and the Dangerous Donut

(This adventure is dedicated to Pat – an official NPR gas consult and someone who has joined me in many adventures.  Love you!)

1.     When I was 16(?) I was in charge of a church activity.  Donuts were requested for the refreshment.  Not wanting to shop on Sunday, I decided to make them.  Note: this was a first time attempt.  (Those never end well…).

As I was lowering the donut into the hot oil, using only my fingers (I don’t know why I couldn’t use a spoon...  This story could also fit into the category of “not so brilliant moments”.) I ended up submerging my entire hand in the deep fryer.  Yep.

After consulting the nurse practitioner, I went to the meeting.  I just happened to be conducting, so I stood up with authority and pretended like it was perfectly normal to carry around a large cup of ice water and submerge one’s entire hand.  Everybody’s doing it…

2.    In most countries a proper greeting consists of addressing the person and then the person repeats the same greeting back.  For example, “Hello”, “Hello” or “Hola”, “Hola” or if you’re in Hawaii, you can delay your repetition until you are ready to leave and it still works.  Being a polite individual, there was only one proper response to the man who greeted me at Wal-Mart.  He said “Welcome” and I said….

It was actually pretty funny.  My friend punched me in the arm.  “You idiot!  You just welcomed the welcome guy!”  It’s all good.  I think I made his (the Walmart employee’s) day. 

By the way, I once overheard a roommate talking on the phone to her mom about me “I love her to death, but sometimes I just don’t know how she gets through the day…”  That’s about right… 

Choose Your Own Adventure

I have hesitated to open this blog up to my friends, however it is much more fun to respond to feedback. Plus, friends makes things worth doing.  I think that I have had some unique experiences in my life and I am happy to share them with you.  To cut down on my rambling, I have decided to ask for help in choosing what to share.

1.  Pick a category

1. Scariest moments
2. Mischievous moments 
3. Painful moments
4. Not so brilliant moments

2.  Choose a story within the category

1.  Scary moment list:

       a.  Rolling in my car

       b. “The Giant Drop”

       c.  Being chased by a pit bull

       d.  Being held up at gun point

       e.  Going over a drop off in a snowmobile

       f.  What happens in the back of armored trucks in a 3^rd world country

  

 2. Mischievous list:

      a.  Making the Youth Leaders cry at Girl’s camp

      b.  The super heros get banned from Wal-mart

      c.  Things that don’t belong in freezers

      d.  Margarine walls

      e.  The Visitor’s Center after dark

      f.  The new rules

      g.  The map theft

 3.  Not my brightest moments:

      a.  Riding in cars with strangers

      b.  Welcoming the Welcome guy at Wal-mart

      c.  Why I had to buy an apron

      d.  The spider incident

      e.  The mint extract incident

4.  Unique injuries:

      a.  Dry ice

      b.  Sewing machine

      c.  Donuts

Choose Wisely.

Pick Up Lines/ Classic Quotes

Although some of the following are quoted out of context, all of these have been said to me:

• “If I were 20 years younger and you were 20 years older…”

• “Cars may stop for blondes, but they back up for redheads”

• “I had hoped to talk to you in person, but I just sense that you have a feisty side, and I’d really like to get to know it.”

• “Your ability to facilitate touch is astonishing.”

• “What’s that in your eye?  Oh wait, it’s just a twinkle.”

• “How might one go about courting you?”

• “Wait, what did you say?  I’m sorry; I was just distracted by your beautiful blue eyes.”

• (Interrupting an actual class) “I don’t have a question; I just think you are pretty.”

Piano Students Say the Darndest Things

I am a piano teacher to 20 students (currently) ranging from 5-35 and beginning - late intermediate.  I usually travel to my students' homes and teach lessons there.  Teaching piano lessons has been the source of some of my favorite experiences.

Epic Piano Lesson Moments:

• The time I turned around and realized that while I was teaching, the 3 year old had colored in permanent marker on every cushion of the couch, on the rug, and on the carpet.  I had been in the same room as him the entire time and didn’t notice a thing.  (at least you know I focus on my students, right?)

• The time a student totally ratted out her dad and all the bad words he says.

• The time my student and I played a piano, beat-box duet.

• The time a family fed me authentic central African food after my lesson.  They wanted to share something unique to their family with me.  I was super honored and it was So good!

• While teaching a family of four children, every child stopped sometime during their lesson to comment on the picture slideshow screensaver going on in the background.  It was pretty funny how easily distracted they were.  Their father comes in to ask me a question.  Mid sentence, he stops "I took that picture." and then proceeds.  I guess I know where they got it from. 

• 7 year old boy: (putting his fingers in his mouth) “Yuck!  I know why my fingers taste gross! I forgot to wash my hands after I pooped!” (after he played on the same piano I did…)

• (Same boy) came up with a mnemonic device to help him remember the order of notes: Allison (his twin sister) Can Eat Garbage.

(One of the activities I do with my students is “play a story”.  I narrate a story while they try to convey the story through the piano.  This has led to some really interesting compositions.)

• Another 7 year old boy made up a ninja song involving his fingers positioned like people, jumping around fighting each other, and ending in an untimely death.  (It actually sounded like the story he was trying to tell).

• A 9 year old boy wrote a song about going to school and then being chased by teachers who turned into zombies. 

• Another 9 year old boy decided that the pirate song he was playing was too “upbeat” for a pirate song, so he transposed it from D Major to G minor.  No big deal…

• A 5 year old asked me to play Fur Elise (a simplified version, but 4 books ahead of his level) for him, then sat down and after only a few tries played it back to me.

• The week after teaching her different value notes (quarter note, half note, eighth note, and whole note), a 7 year old girl presented me with iron on beads that she had made into each of the notes.  (Totally awesome! 1.  She remembered what was taught and applied it in a new way.  And 2.  She made me presents! ).

• I have a 15 year old girl that makes the funniest noises when she plays, especially when she is concentrating or messes up.  It’s not consistent, but sometimes it sounds like “mmm- mmm” (second part almost a desperate squeal).

I love teaching piano and am quite attached to my students.  They remind me what is important and make my days amazing.