Secrets

I've been thinking a lot about secrets.  I view myself as a layered person, but I recently realized that I have become comfortable having a card that remains unshown.  I have often used the excuse "If they only knew..." to add to the idea that I am not good enough.  I have held on to that.  There are obviously things that don't often come out in first time meetings or in normal situations, but there is a difference between that and keeping secrets and/ or being ashamed of any part of ourselves.

This video caused me to reflect and think quite a bit.  (You can start around 7:50 to get to "the meat").
Recently, my brother made some bad choices and suffered some legal consequences.  One response to this could have been shame; resulting in denial or omission of this occurrence.  Sometimes we are afraid to admit that we aren't perfect, as an individual or even as a family.  My mom made a conscious decision to be open about what happened.  This doesn't mean that she announced it or gossiped about it with her friends, but that she admitted it as fact.  This acknowledgement is the first step in turning "mistakes" into learning experiences for ourselves and then possibly for others.
I think part of the damage from things such as abuse is that as a society we just don't talk about them.  As a victim, how can you begin to heal with so much secrecy?  How can you know that you are not alone?
My point of this is that there is strength in admitting every part of ourselves to ourselves.
1.  Stop keeping secrets from ourselves.  Stop being ashamed.  Look our faults in the face.
2.  When appropriate (to you), own up to these secrets to other people.

So this is me: a crazy, spastic, redhead.  I do not deal well with authority.  I get anxious about silly things.  I sometimes don't answer the phone because "I just don't want to deal with it."  I bombed college.  twice.  I have impossible dreams.  I have spent way too much time living "two half lives" because I was too afraid to live "a whole one" meaning I am so afraid that to pursue one dream I have to give up the other that I stalled and pursued neither.
This is me.  I don't always "make the cut" to others' standards, but I no longer care as much.  I am leaving behind my desire to be the person "I am supposed to be" and am becoming the person I want to be and embracing the person I already am.